The Art Of Approaching - Extracts
From Section 3, The Art Of Approaching, Chapter 10, page 65:
Before The Approach
STEP 1
Back when I was a kid, I was in the Boy Scouts. Now, anyone who knows anything about the Boy Scouts will know that tried and true motto: Always Be Prepared. It’s simple, it’s elegant, and most importantly – it’s damn effective!
In life, this motto will help you achieve any goal you want. Being prepared for what you want is the best way to receive it. The universe will always give you that which you are after, but only if you are ready for it!
So the first thing you should do before you even step foot outside the house is to know what you want.
Seriously. It amazes me how few guys know what it is they want. Here’s a little secret for you: If you don’t know what you want, you’ll never get it!
Do you want a one night stand? Do you want a girlfriend? Do you want a wife? Do you want a blonde, brunette, or redhead? Do you want a woman with big boobs? Do you want a highly educated woman? Do you want a woman who is independent? Do you want a woman who smokes? Do you want a single mom? Do you want a woman who loves giving blowjobs? Do you want a woman who is white, black, latin, or asian?
The list can go on and on. The fact is, knowing what you want will help you to get it! Why? Because you eliminate all the other distractions that could keep you from getting what you want or prolong your search.
For instance, let’s say you want to settle down and you’re looking for a woman to get married to. Are you going to waste your time picking up party girls who want to go out every night, dress sexy so other guys can oogle them, and never stay at home except maybe to shower and change clothes?
Of course not!
You’re going to go after women who have settled down and are looking for stability. So this means you have to forget about those nightclubs all your buddies are going to, and look for venues where you can find the type of women you want.
So remember: Always know what you want! To the most minute detail. And don’t be afraid to walk away should one of your requirements not be met.
STEP 2
The next step, after knowing what you want, is to ask yourself: Where can I find the type of women I want to meet?
This is really important. Different places attract different types of women. Depending on where you go, you will get a different category of women.
Notice, I’m not saying you can’t meet a nice, stable girl who’s ready to settle down at a nightclub. But your chances of meeting a wild party girl who’s just into hooking up with a guy at such a venue is much greater. So if that’s what you’re looking for, a nightclub is a good bet you’ll meet that type of girl there.
If you’re looking for a girl who’s a little less wild, maybe more intellectual, where would you meet these types of women? Figure out the places where a certain type of woman would congregate. In this instance: museums, book stores, art galleries, and libraries come to mind.
Once you know where the type of girl you want to meet will be, it will be far, FAR easier to meet them! Just think of all the time and effort you’ll save by skipping the venues where the women you don’t want dominate.
Of course, you should always be on the lookout for the type of women you want, so don’t dismiss all women just because the venue isn’t right. But typically, if you’re on the prowl, the location will dictate the type of women you’ll find.
STEP 3
Now that you know what you want, and where to find it, it’s time to look at what you’ll be presenting the world. Namely – YOU!
Let’s face it, certain types of women are attracted to certain types of men. Depending on how you look, you will attract a certain type of girl.
Notice, I’m not talking about your physical looks here. We can’t control how good looking or ugly we are physically. But we CAN control our appearance. This includes our hairstyle, our skin, our facial hair, our weight, and our clothing. We can groom ourselves to project a certain image that will attract the women we’re after.
Let’s take an example of this. Let’s say I want to attract a stripper, and strippers are all I want to date for the rest of my life. Now, I know from experience that strippers are very easily attracted to “Rock and Roll” types. This doesn’t mean you can’t date strippers if you like to wear suits or simple t-shirts and jeans. But if you grow your hair long, have tattoos, smoke cigarettes, and like to wear a lot of black clothing with chains attached, you’re going to have an advantage approaching strippers because they typically like that type of man.
So now that you know what you want, figure out what the woman you’re after wants, and tailor your image to suit that. It will make your job much, much easier when it comes time to meet them.
But regardless of your image, you should always make an effort to look your best. Things like showering, brushing your teeth, and working out regularly go a long way not only in attracting women, but in your general sense of health. Always try to look your best whenever you’re going out in public, because you just never know when that girl you’re looking for will be there.
STEP 4
Once you know how you want to tailor your image, it’s time for you to cultivate it. This means you gotta put some money forth. Now, if you’re a guy like me, you HATE to go clothes shopping! Not only can it be expensive, but it can be a real pain in the butt!!!
However, putting the time and effort in now will pay off later when you got the girl of your dreams in your arms!
Now that you know what image you want to have, you’ll have to pick the right store to shop at. Different stores cater to different styles, and different bank accounts. Clothing is a mix-and-match game, where sometimes you have to piece together outfit from many sources. But typically, you want a set of clothes to have a certain theme.
For instance, if you work at an office, you want to project a professional image, so all your clothes for the office might be nice, dark suits with monochrome shirts and flashy ties. But when you go out to concerts, maybe you have a bunch of ripped pants and faded vintage T-shirts.
Different environments call for different types of dress.
I believe that we all have different personas in different areas of our lives. Maybe at the workplace, you’re a vicious shark who no one wants to mess with because you really know your stuff and you’re an expert at what you do. That’s your “work” persona. But when you go home to visit mom and dad, you’re quiet and you do what you’re told because you don’t want to fight with your parents. That’s your “son” persona.
We all do this, depending on how comfortable or confident we are in different situations. Your type of dress will determine how strong your persona is.
When you do go shopping for clothes, here’s some advice for you. Take your time! Make sure you’re not rushed, because you’re making an investment in your future. You need to try on the clothes, see how they look, get opinions from the store clerks (don’t be afraid to ask them what they think or their advice on what to get).
If you’re looking for good, trendy clothes that will work in almost any situation, and won’t totally drain your bank account, I suggest going to your local Banana Republic store. You can usually find these stores in the mall across America. They make great clothes, and their sales are fantastic. I never buy anything there that isn’t on sale because their stuff can be expensive. But the sale items are just as good of quality as the regular items, only cheaper!
If you’re looking to go for the rock and roll/gothic appearance, there are lots of routes you can go. The biggest store that caters to this look is called Hot Topic. You can find these stores in most malls. They sell all sorts of shirts and accessories that go well with this image.
In tandem with that, thrift stores, such as your local Goodwill Store, are good for that and a lot of different looks. Not only are these stores dirt cheap, but you can find hidden gems here, such as vintage t-shirts and the like. Stores like this are very popular with the more “arty” crowd.
If you’re overweight, Casual Male has a great selection of clothes to fit bigger guys, and their clothes range from professional to really, really cool. Because I, myself, am overweight and find a hard time finding pants that fit well in the normal stores, I often go to Casual Male and buy jeans and other pants. Their selection of suits for big guys is really good as well.
The internet is also a great place to find really good clothes. There are tons of websites out there that feature their products and will ship them right to your home, and a lot of times they got great discounts too.
Cheaper outlets like Wallmart, K-Mart, and Target have nice casual clothes, but I wouldn’t recommend going there to find clothes to attract women (though going there to meet women is a different story!).
In addition to your clothes, pay attention to your grooming and hygiene too. Take care of your teeth by brushing at least twice a day and flossing. Try to shower at least once a day to stay clean and fresh (and make sure to wash your nether-regions! You never know when you might need to use them!!!). Take care of your skin and watch your diet. If you can, work out regularly. Thirty minutes a day three times a week is bare minimum for getting healthy. Remember: muscles on men are like breasts on women. The bigger they are, the more attention you’ll get.
STEP 5
Okay, so far you know what you want, you know where to find it, you know what image will help you get what you want, and you’ve tailored your image to that. Now comes the most important step to perform before going out to meet women…
Believing you can do it!
I am a big fan of the power of belief. I think that if someone believes they can accomplish something, they will. The same is true when it comes to meeting women.
Too often, guys take themselves out of the game before they even get a chance to play. They take one look at a woman and think “She’s so beautiful! She must be out of my league. I could never get a girl like that…”
Their belief is that they’re not good enough to get what they want!
Can you imagine going through life with that belief? What if you were starving, and you saw a big, fat, juicy hamburger with a side of fries on the table before you. Would you say to yourself “That burger looks and smells soooooo good! There’s no way I could eat it. I’m too hungry to eat that beautiful hamburger…”
Doesn’t make sense does it? But guess what: if you believe that you’re too hungry to eat that big, juicy, delicious hamburger, you’re not going to eat it!
That’s how powerful belief is.
You need to make yourself believe that you can achieve your goal of getting a beautiful woman that will suit what you’re looking for. And you have to believe that she will want you as much as you want her! Otherwise, you’re in for a lonely, lonely lifetime.
One thing I will do before I go out to meet women is look in the mirror and psyche myself up. I learned to do this before sporting events, as most athletes do. The difference between a good athlete and a great athlete is his belief in his ability to win. So I’ll look in the mirror and say things like:
• You’re going to meet a girl you like today.
• She’s going to be into you.
• You’re an attractive man.
• You know what women want.
• You’re going to get her, it’s just a matter of time.
• You’re going to have fun.
And various other things. Just say each affirmation for twenty seconds, looking yourself in the eye, in the mirror. Imagine meeting beautiful women, having good times with them, and getting what you set out to get – sex, love, romance, relationships – whatever!
This is what’s called “Practicing Success.”
If you practice success, you will succeed! Because you’re training yourself to receive exactly what it is you want.
And you can do this anytime you want. When you’re board, when you’re driving in the car, when you’re waiting in line, when you’re on your break from work – whenever. The more you practice, the more ready you’ll be to get what it is you want.
Remember that Kevin Costner movie “Field of Dreams?” Build it, and they will come? Well guess what: BELIEVE it, and you will achieve!
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